Sometimes I don't have time to write. Lately, that sometimes has been happening a lot. It's a shame because I've also learned a lot as of late. Such as:
- I can't blog at home right now. The person who I've been stealing my Internet connection from for the past seven monts has not paid his or her bill. All I get when I log on is a locked Comcast page. If only I could figure out who this person is I'd be more than happy to pay their bill. It's only fair. Until then, I only have Mike's Internet to steal.
- I'm not getting my mail. I have gotten more than a few frustrated calls from friends and family who have had things they've sent me returned. I don't know what's going on. Venise at the Uptown postal service is looking into it. If you need to send me something right now though, email and I'll give you my work address.
- I can't just get up one day and run five miles and not expect to feel it. Three days after the Shuffle I developed a limp. My left foot hurt whenever I put pressure on it. Yesterday was the first day in almost two weeks that I didn't remember it hurting. I believe I am now on the mend.
- Goodreads may be my new favorite Website. I'm on it. You should join too.
- I don't like complaining about work here. I have never felt my blog is a smart (or safe) place to do that. Suffice it to say, I'm not loving my job right now, even though I'm consistently putting in 50 hour weeks. I really am trying to change my attitude about things, hoping that will make work more bearable, but I'm learning that's not really working so far.
- I am going to Morocco in one month. On May 12 at 7 p.m. I leave and any other worries or complaints I have (see above) seem to dissolve with that one thought.
April 13, 2008
March 30, 2008
Shuffling Through It
I ran the Shamrock Shuffle today, and much to my surprise I actually ran it. I first ran the Shuffle two years ago. My roommate at the time, Sara, and I did it as a way to get fit for an upcoming trip to Hawaii. We trained religiously for months (running no less than three times a week) and as the big day came we grew more and more nervous. Our goals were to finish the 8k/5 mile race, not stop running and to finish in under an hour. We met all our goals.
This time around, to say I trained is an overstatement. I ran a few times outdoors, never really consistently and never more than 3 miles at a time. My attitude heading into the race this morning was to finish by any means necessary - that included walking when need be.
Well I surprised myself today. Despite my non-existent training schedule, I mustered up some inner strength and ran the entire race in under an hour. Well I did walk for a 10 second stretch at the end. There is this tiny hill within the last quarter mile of the race that my legs could not handle. But other than that, it was a smooth race, and in some ways easier than the first time I ran it. For me, the nicest thing though was learning that I've got more inner strength than I give myself credit for. Unfortunately, my weak legs are already paying the price for my inner strength.
Kudos to my fellow runners, Sara, Sarah and Jenny. Way to go ladies! I couldn't have done it without you.
This time around, to say I trained is an overstatement. I ran a few times outdoors, never really consistently and never more than 3 miles at a time. My attitude heading into the race this morning was to finish by any means necessary - that included walking when need be.
Well I surprised myself today. Despite my non-existent training schedule, I mustered up some inner strength and ran the entire race in under an hour. Well I did walk for a 10 second stretch at the end. There is this tiny hill within the last quarter mile of the race that my legs could not handle. But other than that, it was a smooth race, and in some ways easier than the first time I ran it. For me, the nicest thing though was learning that I've got more inner strength than I give myself credit for. Unfortunately, my weak legs are already paying the price for my inner strength.
Kudos to my fellow runners, Sara, Sarah and Jenny. Way to go ladies! I couldn't have done it without you.
March 27, 2008
Solitary Confinement
When I was a journalist I often worked alone. I interviewed my own sources, I followed my own leads and I wrote my own stories. It was a solitary process I undertook most times in a newsroom of people going through their own similar solitary process. It was only when it came time to printing my words on paper that my editor intervened. He or she would read my story, make suggested edits or suggest calling another source and send it back to me. At that point, it was then my job to fix my story, again on my own.
I am now in a career that requires a lot more of a collaborative effort, and I'm learning I prefer more of a solitary process.
I am now in a career that requires a lot more of a collaborative effort, and I'm learning I prefer more of a solitary process.
March 17, 2008
Secret Lovers
I have a boyfriend. There is a reason I have never mentioned this fact on my blog before. Some of my coworkers read this blog, and my boyfriend also happens to be a coworker. And only as of this past Friday did we make it known to them that we are dating.
I began working at our office in June of 2006. Mike, my boyfriend, and I began dating about six months later. So yes, that’s over a year of dating under extenuating circumstances. My friends and his friends knew we were a couple, and to them the fact that we’re coworkers doesn’t even factor - except on the odd occasions when we made them play along with our charade. You see, we did our best to keep our secret love affair from coworkers. Based on their reactions to our news, it appears we did very, very well.
Of the four people we have told face to face, their shock (and on occasion hurt by our betrayal) has been very genuine. Even after we’ve confessed, it’s taken a few minutes of reassurance to convince people this is not some sort of sick joke.
The thing is, it’s not so much that we’ve been dating secretly, it’s that we’ve been dating secretly for so long. If it had been a few months, people’s reactions might have been much more subdued. But it’s been more than a year. This is not a casual dating thing. This is the exchanging of keys, meeting one another’s family, moving apartments so I could be closer to him, taking international vacations kind of relationship. And to most people we work with I bet the thought of Mike and I sharing the occasional lunch outing seems normal, but the thought of us sharing pretty much every aspect our lives is pretty unbelievable. And I can see why it would be. We jumped through some pretty big hoops in order to keep it that way, but we did that at our own expense.
Mike and I over the past year have woven our lives together. But the more we did that, the less we were able to share our lives with the people we see more than most - our coworkers. Mike has never seen one of my belly dancing performances because I take that class with a coworker. He was not able to really talk about his Mexico vacation because I was in Mexico (AKA “Arizona“) with him. And I have been lying about the smallest of things, like watching cable TV, how I do my grocery shopping and where I do my laundry. The answers are that I am obsessed with watching HGTV at Mike’s, I use Mike’s car for grocery shopping, and I do my laundry at Mike’s place because he has a washer and dryer.
We’ve had coworkers ask us why we waited so long to tell people, and to be honest, I don’t really know why any more. At first we weren’t sure of what this was, so there was no point in broadcasting something that may be off our own radar in a month’s time. We gradually realized this dating thing was probably more than just a thing. He became worried of how it could be seen at the firm. Then I became worried of how it could be seen at the firm. Let me state that our firm has no policy about interoffice relationships, which is only helped by the fact that Mike in no way supervises me, and I in no way supervise him. If anything, we’re pretty equal and independent of one another in our jobs. However, another (and possibly bigger factor) was how much Mike and I know some people at our firm like to talk. Many a time I’ve overheard people say “Man, there’s no good gossip at the firm lately.” Needless to say, Mike and I were not really eager to fill that void.
So yeah, when I put it that way, I can’t understand why we waited so long. Especially since every coworker we’ve told (including management) thinks it is pretty great that we are dating. I think it’s pretty great too. I’m a very happy girl these days, and it is my greatest joy to be able to tell any one why.
I began working at our office in June of 2006. Mike, my boyfriend, and I began dating about six months later. So yes, that’s over a year of dating under extenuating circumstances. My friends and his friends knew we were a couple, and to them the fact that we’re coworkers doesn’t even factor - except on the odd occasions when we made them play along with our charade. You see, we did our best to keep our secret love affair from coworkers. Based on their reactions to our news, it appears we did very, very well.
Of the four people we have told face to face, their shock (and on occasion hurt by our betrayal) has been very genuine. Even after we’ve confessed, it’s taken a few minutes of reassurance to convince people this is not some sort of sick joke.
The thing is, it’s not so much that we’ve been dating secretly, it’s that we’ve been dating secretly for so long. If it had been a few months, people’s reactions might have been much more subdued. But it’s been more than a year. This is not a casual dating thing. This is the exchanging of keys, meeting one another’s family, moving apartments so I could be closer to him, taking international vacations kind of relationship. And to most people we work with I bet the thought of Mike and I sharing the occasional lunch outing seems normal, but the thought of us sharing pretty much every aspect our lives is pretty unbelievable. And I can see why it would be. We jumped through some pretty big hoops in order to keep it that way, but we did that at our own expense.
Mike and I over the past year have woven our lives together. But the more we did that, the less we were able to share our lives with the people we see more than most - our coworkers. Mike has never seen one of my belly dancing performances because I take that class with a coworker. He was not able to really talk about his Mexico vacation because I was in Mexico (AKA “Arizona“) with him. And I have been lying about the smallest of things, like watching cable TV, how I do my grocery shopping and where I do my laundry. The answers are that I am obsessed with watching HGTV at Mike’s, I use Mike’s car for grocery shopping, and I do my laundry at Mike’s place because he has a washer and dryer.
We’ve had coworkers ask us why we waited so long to tell people, and to be honest, I don’t really know why any more. At first we weren’t sure of what this was, so there was no point in broadcasting something that may be off our own radar in a month’s time. We gradually realized this dating thing was probably more than just a thing. He became worried of how it could be seen at the firm. Then I became worried of how it could be seen at the firm. Let me state that our firm has no policy about interoffice relationships, which is only helped by the fact that Mike in no way supervises me, and I in no way supervise him. If anything, we’re pretty equal and independent of one another in our jobs. However, another (and possibly bigger factor) was how much Mike and I know some people at our firm like to talk. Many a time I’ve overheard people say “Man, there’s no good gossip at the firm lately.” Needless to say, Mike and I were not really eager to fill that void.
So I guess that’s how 14 months after we started this relationship, we found ourselves in my kitchen arguing about the constraints that we had created for ourselves. It was at that point I told Mike I was tired, “so fucking tired” were my words. And I broke down crying in his arms. It had all become too much, too hard, for too long. The convenience of not having people know was nothing more than a burden. Having to keep the one person I spend more time with that anyone else separated and quarantined into neatly pre-sized, compartments of my life had worn me down. I was tired. And not just tired of lying about how I spend my weekends or pretending to be a single gal in the city. I was tired of not being able to share how much Mike means to me, how truly, ridiculously happy I am to be with him and how lucky I feel to have found someone who loves me wholeheartedly.
So yeah, when I put it that way, I can’t understand why we waited so long. Especially since every coworker we’ve told (including management) thinks it is pretty great that we are dating. I think it’s pretty great too. I’m a very happy girl these days, and it is my greatest joy to be able to tell any one why.
Check back for subsequent entries titled "What I Learned from Having a Secret Boyfriend." That's the good stuff.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)