On Turning 32

I turned 32 this weekend. It was for the most part a pretty unremarkable event. There is no real numerical significance to the number 32 as far as I know. About the most exciting thing about turning 32 was that my birthday fell on a Friday.

I used the date to my advantage. I met up with a friend whose birthday is just a few days after mine. Well her and a whole gaggle of her female friends. We drank a lot of red wine, and they ordered me a slice of coconut cake with a candle in it.

I woke up on Saturday to photograph a charity fundraiser for Project Rescue, and then my parents came into town. We all headed out to an early dinner that night at a local creole joint. And I mean it was early. We originally had a reservation at 8, but decided to move that to 6 since we were all so hungry. Thank goodness we did because I was a lot more tired than I thought. I was on the couch and dozing off to football by 9 p.m. So please don't ask my parents if I am a great host. I am not. But I was so excited to go to bed that night because my and Mike's bed finally had a proper headboard and was on a bed frame, not the floor.

Thanks Mike and Dad!

So I guess if I can say anything about 32, it's that I am glad I have a nice bed now because apparently 32-year-olds need their sleep. Also, dogs that spend all weekend wrestling with each other.

A Little Perspective On A Little Moment

There are 33 days until my wedding. At least that is what The Knot tells me. Every time I sign in, there's a reminder in the upper right hand corner of the countdown to my wedding date. It's one of the main reasons I no longer visit The Knot. That and the fact that I've determined bridal message boards are by far one of the worst corners of the Internet.

You see I don't need The Knot to let me know how many more days there are. Oct. 6 is a date that has been front and center in my mind for over a year now. Ever since Mike and I selected that as our wedding date, it cannot escape my mind. Whenever anybody mentions to me something going on in their life, be it the due date of their first born, their own anniversary, a significant birthday, I can't help but think how that date for that person relates to my own big date. And I hate myself for doing this. Long before I ever got engaged I swore I would not be the type of bride that insisted the world revolved around her own special day. I hated those brides. I mean, it's just one day. Come on. Get a grip. Somewhere though in this 20-month engagement, my mental state shifted.

It's no secret that I do not enjoy wedding planning. I will be the first to tell you it has been a process, and if I were not so cheap, I would have hired a wedding planner long ago. In fact, some of the first words out of my mouth after Mike proposed were, "Fuck. Now I have to plan a wedding."

But I have. In 19 months time, I have crossed off a significant number of items from my To Do List. And in the process, I have created a multi-layered, multi-faceted spreadsheet that would make the most anal retentive person squeal with delight. So even though I have dreaded the wedding planning process, I have put a lot of time into it because I am the type of girl where if I am going to do something, I'm going to do it right.

The unfortunate side effect of all this planning though is that at times I fear I've lost sight of the end goal. The goal is not at the end of the day that everyone has had a good time. The goal is that at the end of the day I get to call Mike my husband. This fact, this wonderful, gloriously small fact at times surfaces to the forefront of my mind, and when it does instantly my eyes well up with tears.

A month ago, Mike and I sat down with our pastor to go over the details of the ceremony. We were reading through the order of things, discussing scripture passages and then we got to the end. The end, the part where the pastor says my favorite words, where he blesses Mike and I and everyone in attendance and then pronounces us man and wife. That part. Right there. I know it's going to happen. I know it is part of the timeline of the day. But that part right there is magical. That part is what everything is about. So when our pastor said the words he's going to say on Oct. 6, and I mentally placed myself in that moment, it was overwhelming in the most wonderful way possible. That moment is a beautiful thing. It is a once-in-a-lifetime moment.

We get so few of those once-in-a-lifetime moments in our lives. When Mike proposed he claims there was a long silence before I said yes. I think that moment may have seemed a little longer to one of us than the other. I will agree though that I hesitated. Not because I was weighing my options. There were no options. There never has been. It has always been Mike, and no one else. I am as sure of that as I am the sky is blue. When he asked me to marry him, I did pause, but I paused because I knew it was a once-in-a-lifetime moment. That was my moment to be asked that question, and I drank it in slowly - a little too slowly for Mike's taste.

These moments, these precious, fleeting, life-altering moments don't happen all that often. And when they do, sometimes they pass without notice. Other times, they have been in the works for the better part of two years. So this moment, the one that will happen on Oct. 6, is the reason I have created my behemoth of a spreadsheet. It is why I have spent possibly far too much time focused on the details. Because once that moment happens, I'll want to do nothing more than celebrate it. And the 20 months of planning that have lead up to it, I hope will be worth it. And I am hoping, if I have used those 20 months wisely, I'll be able to relax and enjoy knowing the details have all be taken care of.

Imperfect

I often strive for perfection. That unattainable goal that only crazy people think is attainable. It makes me delay things like purchasing clothes, sending birthday presents, having conversations, sharing photos and publishing blog posts.

This post isn't perfect, and neither are the photos  I am about to share. But in this case, I don't have a perfect version. I have what I have, and it's so much better than good enough.

Mike, Taylor and I spent this past weekend in Wisconsin at his sister's house - the sister that lives here. As I've said before, it's relaxing to us city dwellers and a place we can go to unplug. I don't even get cell phone reception.

The house has a really long dirt driveway surrounded by cornfields - in fact, the whole house is surrounded by cornfields at the moment. We let Taylor run free and off leash the entire time we're there because the cornfields serve as a pretty nice buffer and pseudo fence. On Saturday evening, we were taking turns taking the bikes for a spin up and down the driveway. And every time Mike or I would hop on a bike, Taylor would race us full speed ahead up and down the driveway - totally reminding me of why we are not running buddies. Dude is way too fast for me. He beat me every time.

He loved it. We loved it. I don't know who had the bigger grin on their face while sprinting down the driveway - Taylor or us. It's a moment we can't have in the city.

These photos aren't perfect. The lighting is a bit off, nothing is in focus and Taylor is but a big blur. But in my mind, it imperfectly captures that little moment - all the while somehow capturing it perfectly.

Mary May Quite Contrary

I can't remember having a more productive weekend than the one I just had. Sometimes on my train ride home on Friday afternoons, I make a list of things I hope to get done over the weekend. This weekend's list was long, but I managed to cross off most of it. I cannot adequately explain to you how much I love crossing stuff off my to do list. (Also, posting a blog, now is totally crossed off.)

This weekend was a mix of fun things and not so fun, but oh so necessary things. For example, in the fun column was dinner with friends and Skyping with two ladies on opposite coasts that I don't see as much as I'd like. In the necessary column was mailing our rent check, cleaning and taking photos of our old condo for a rental listing.

For the past few months I have slowly been putting our office together. It's the first room in the house that I've really redone. This weekend Mike and I hung some shelves and a white board. Putting those things up felt like one of the last things we needed to do in this room.

Sneak peak! More to come of this before and after. It's quite a change.

This weekend we also checked off one big to do item that we'd been working for a few weeks.

When we moved into the house it already had a vegetable garden, but it wasn't full of the kinds of vegetables we wanted. It yielded some cucumbers, and a few tomatoes but it was mostly filled with flavorless banana peppers.

This year we decided to start from scratch. We tore out any existing roots, removed and relaid the pavers, tilled the soil and laid an entire new fresh bed of dirt for all our carefully chosen fruits and veggies. It was a decent amount of work and we spread it over three weekends. Last weekend we picked out a bunch of veggies and herbs from a local market, but as we were driving home I got a frost advisory on my phone for that night. It didn't seem like the best time to plant. So we, and our plants, waited.

Today and the coming week, however, presented much better weather. It's not going to freeze. In fact it's supposed to be rainy and hotter than average. So hopefully our little veggies will start taking root.

These are the strawberries. We also have cucumbers, eggplant, tomatoes, carrots, and lettuce.

Aside from planting, we also put up a fence. We have bunnies and squirrels occasionally scurrying through our yard. It's not them that we were worried about though. We have a much bigger pest on our hands.

Why our dog likes to wallow in the mud so much, I'll never know. But boy does he ever. By cutting off his access to dirt, it will hopefully keep him cleaner and increase our plants chances of survival.

As you can see, the fence is already doing it's job.

He wants in so bad.

So overall I definitely put this weekend in the win column. However, the next weekend is also shaping up to be pretty awesome. I'm scheduled for a cut and color with my favorite stylist next Saturday, and on Sunday I'll be driving to Michigan to see these friends and meet their new daughter. My cameras will of course be in tow, and I cannot wait to take pictures of them all because, one, they are so photogenic and I love them, and two, I ordered a new camera lens on Friday. It should arrive in a couple days.

Wow. Next weekend cannot come fast enough.

Wonky No More

In sixth grade, I was given the option by my dentist to get braces. It was an option because my teeth didn't require them, but they also weren't straight. My response to this question was predictable. What sixth grader wants to get braces? Cool kids don't have braces. And even though I was far from being one of the cool kids, getting braces certainly wasn't going to get me any closer to being one of them. So I said no.

And then I regretted it.

While I hated the idea of braces, I also hated my teeth. I had a gap between my two front teeth that was pretty much the first thing I saw whenever I looked in the mirror. I hated it, and it made me self-conscious. It made me so self-conscious that for a brief period in 10th grade, I began trying to laugh with my mouth closed. I am pretty sure it accomplished nothing excepting making me look mildly unbalanced. I also used to after school, on occasion, take two markers and place them on the outer edges of each tooth. I'd then push in a futile effort to force my gap teeth together. Needless to say, doing this for a couple of minutes every once in a while didn't have the effect I had hoped. My gap remained.

And it has remained. I gradually grew to accept it and certainly stopped trying to laugh with my mouth closed. In the back of my mind though, I always wondered what if I had just said yes that day at the dentist. Over time as I thought about this, one of my rear teeth on the upper left side of my mouth started to rotate. It continued rotating to the point where I could feel it moving on given days. Before it knew it, not only did I have a visible gap on my top teeth, but also a rogue tooth that bugged the crap out of me. With a sound mind and the aid of medical insurance, I decided it was time to do something about it. I got Invisalign.

On April 12, 2011, I began the process of straightening my teeth. And just this past Friday, that process ended.

April 11, 2011

April 12, 2011

April 1, 2012

Having Invisalign wasn't easy. It took some getting used to, so much so that a week in I was questioning if I was letting my vanity get the best of me. A little less than a year later, I can 100 percent say that it was worth it. I used to think about my teeth and how much they bugged me on a daily basis. I'd run my tongue over my wonky back tooth and my gap and think what if. I no longer think about that. I also no longer have to worry about nonchalantly removing my Invisalign plastic teeth in public - something I have hated doing. So it's all good. So good, that I can't stop smiling my near perfect smile. If only sixth grade Amy had known how good it could be she would have done this years ago.

My View of St. Patty's Day

St. Patty's Day is always a big day here in the city of Chicago. I mean we dye our river green for Pete's sake. But when St. Patty's Day falls on a Saturday and that Saturday is 80 degrees, everyone (and I do mean EVERYONE) is out celebrating.

Here are a few pictures of my day of celebrating (beginning with a ridiculously delicious brunch).

To sum up breakfast, beer, food, friends and festivities. 

Getting Inn the Spirit

I sat in the great room of the Lakeside Inn a few Saturdays ago, making to do lists and jotting down various reminders and decor ideas. My head was full of ideas and questions and getting them put on paper seemed to be the only way I'd be able to sort it all out.



This chair sat across from me as I wrote. I kept looking at it and thinking about who'd sit there. Who'd sit around the fireplaces, who'd play the games of checkers and chess and Monopoly lying about the Inn. I kept smiling though because I knew whoever it was, it would be someone I love very much. In 8 months time, that room, this inn, would be filled with people attending my wedding.







I can't say I'm the type of girl that has dreamed about her wedding day since she was little. It's something I have thought about, but it's never anything I had pre-planned. And once I did get engaged, Mike and I didn't rush into picking a location. Ours will be a 20 month engagement, with 8 of those months wondering where we should get married. I agonized and drove myself crazy trying to figure out which venue would be perfect for us. I considered locations everywhere. And I do mean everywhere - from Key West to New Orleans to California to Mexico to St. John to Chicago and back again. In the end, we settled on this historic 30 room inn on the shores of Lake Michigan just across the border from Indiana in Michigan.







I tried for months and months and months to figure out which location would be perfect, and in the end, I realized, like all things, that perfection eluded me. There was no option that did not have its downside. And every location had its upside too. So in the end, we went with the place that most seemed right. We didn't actually visit many venues in person, but I can tell you that when I walked into this Inn, I felt it. It seemed to make sense. I pictured our family and friends congregating around the fireplaces. I saw them sitting in the rocking chairs on the expansive front porch. I imagined Mike and his boys playing football on the back lawn. And I imagined myself walking down the aisle on that lawn with my husband for the first time.






Mike and I are deep into the planning process now, and the details at times can be overwhelming. The imperfections of this particular location are starting to show. And when they do, I try to take myself back to that moment when I was sitting and jotting notes in the great room. The moment where I imagined it all coming together. It is an amazing feeling to sit in a room and know that in 8 months time it will be filled only with people I love. And when that day comes, I remind myself that it will not be the details, but the memories that will matter. This place is just waiting for some great memories. And so am I.

Eight Months and Counting

Just because, in less than 8 months this will be the backdrop of where my wedding ceremony will take place.

Mike and I spent the weekend here, and it was down right delightful. More to come.

Stuff I Found While Looking Around NYC

When I last left you, I was headed to New York City for the weekend. Well I made it back all in one piece. However, I will say barely. There was a time in my life when I could stay out until 3 a.m. with some lovely gay gentlemen, close down a piano bar with said gentlemen and been able to get up and function perfectly normal the next day. Those days have passed, yet I acted as if they had not on Friday night. So most of my Saturday - my one free full day in NYC - was spent on my friend's couch.

I went to NYC to see my dear friend Sean (who for the record was my high school prom date - I will spare you the photographic evidence) perform at The Metropolitan Opera. Opening night, at The Met. And my friend was singing in the chorus. I would not have missed it for the world.

Me and Sean. Looking better than we did in high school.

Going to the Met was not anything I had ever dreamed of doing, but it's totally on my bucket list now, and crossed off thank you very much. The Met is beautiful. Just beautiful. I only carried a little purse, so my camera didn't accompany me to the opera. All I snapped was this shot with my cell phone.

It doesn't do that space justice. It feels amazing to be standing in Lincoln Center on a Friday night for an opening night performance. If I could have bottled up that feeling, I would have taken it home with me in a 3 ounce or less container.

I even rented a dress for the occasion. Yes rented. If you have not been there yet, please visit Rent The Runway and rent yourself a fancy dress for your next big event

This was my first time ever going to any opera and what I saw was the marathon of operas. It was a Wagner opera and for those of you who do not know, Wagner is serious opera. I saw Götterdämmerung, which is a 6 hour opera with two intermissions. We left during the second because Sean sang in the second act and only one person in our group had the stamina to last the final 2.5 hours.  Personally, my knees were killing me. So after 4 hours of opera, our group (we were a big group) headed out for dinner, and then a smaller subset of our group, which included me, headed to a piano bar where we stayed until 3 a.m.

I did manage to get out and take some photos during the remainder of my weekend, but not nearly as many as I planned.  And when I got home to Chicago, I wasn't in love with any of them. I blame Friday. I decided I'd use these photos as an opportunity to play around with a new editing program I recently acquired. A lot of these photos are very processed, something I normally shy away from. I am finding that with this new program I am editing photos a little differently, so with this set I really went out there with some of them. What I am saying is that the editing of these photos is the equivalent of my Friday night - wild and crazy.

And all of this is a very long-winded way of saying here are a bunch of photos I took on my vacation.

Self-portrait.









Please note that this headstone is dated 1733 as the year of his death.

Please note, these pigeons were totally making out, and right by a church no less.

These birds were not making out. They just wanted my bagel.












This the famous Wall Street bull, and it was swarmed by Asian tourists on all sides each time I went by. This was the best picture I could get. Yet, somehow I think it's the best picture I could have gotten.


St. Paul's Chapel is Manhattan's oldest public building in continuous use. 
It also sits right across the street from ground zero.






Because it just feels right to end with a shot of Times Square...