July 30, 2006

You just can’t help growing up.

I find myself, yet again, at a time where I’m forced to take another step in my life. This time it’s moving on my own in Chicago to a new neighborhood, a new apartment and a whole new set of city life experiences. This all accompanies the new job I got a few months ago. And it also is all very cyclical.

I feel like every summer brings this on. Friends leave. Friends come. Friends move. Family for the most part remains constant. But there is something about the summer months that causes people to want to change their lives - be it through new apartments, new cities, new countries, realizing aspirations of going back to school or sometimes returning to the familiarity of what was left a year ago. Regardless, the summer brings about change.

The evidence of my coming change is mounting in my apartment. My things have amassed - unfortunately through my efforts (not on their own accord) - in the spare bedroom of what on Tuesday is to become my old apartment. I have lived here for two years now. That is the longest I have been in one place prior to high school graduation.

Since moving to Chicago, I’ve collected a lot of things - some good, some useless. I’ve done my best to get rid of anything that falls into the useless category, but in trying to sort through that I’ve come across a lot of things which have made the moves with me time and time again - namely a lot of my old journals which I have kept religiously for the past six years.

Whenever I move, I tend to get a little reminiscent, and I find this ends up being a time where I pour through my old journals. In the midst of packing, I sit and read and become engrossed in the days of my own life and retrace the steps which have led me to where I am today. Sometimes the predictions I made for myself were dead on. Sometimes they were so far off I laugh at my own naivety.

I’ve come a long way. I’ve done a lot. I’ve learned a lot. And I can’t help but feel I didn’t really ask for most of it to happen. It kind of just did, which leads me to realize that you just can’t help growing up. It happens most the time without notice. Time passes, and we continue on going about our lives trying every day to be a little better and do a little more than we did in prior days. And for me, every summer when I usually uproot my own life again, I am reminded from my journals that I have grown up.

Then I close the pages, sit and stare out my window for a moment, shaking my head at the thought of time gone by. And then I continue on packing, because let’s face it, as helpful as my journals are, they aren’t going to box themselves.

1 comment:

Sean said...

Amy Sayre... I love you so much!!! I just finished reading all of your posts and just got a little bit teary-eyed after this last one... which I believe was your first post on this blog.

You have an amazing voice... Until now I don't believe I had read any of your stuff... Except a few journal entries on a cool evening in Ann Arbor about 5 years ago. I believe that was the night I came out to you and we were talking about our lives and dreams. I think it was one of the best nights of my life and one I will never forget. I just want you to know that I could read your writing for hours and hours... so please don't stop!!!

It is kind of amazing that we have known each other as long as we have... I think it will be Ten Years this fall!!! But reading your entries reminds me why we became friends and shows me just how alike we really are even after all this time. Like you, I have been through a lot of changes and moves and I react in exactly the same manner... I procrastinate the big stuff, work like hell at the last possible second, and get emotional when I come across an old card or note from a friend. Maybe that's just human... or maybe not... who knows. I just love that we both can appreciate things the rest of the world sometimes forgets or doesn't take the time to notice.

Well I am just about finished here in Maine and will be heading to Toronto around Sept. 1st to find an apartment... My ELEVENTH living space in the last 6 years!!! LOL My life is pretty crazy, but good things are happening and it makes me excited to see what is coming next. I will be home Labor Day Weekend before making the final move to Toronto. If you are gonna be in town let me know and well get together. I am very excited to be back in the Northeast and so much closer to everyone. We'll definitely have to make a habit of visiting each other over the next few years.

I am so happy things are going well for you with the new job. I remember how excited you were during my visit in January to be going back to school and it seems now to have been the right move for you. I can't wait to hear more and see where this job leads you.

Hopefully things have cooled down in Chicago by now... but I think you might be in the midst of a pretty nasty storm tonight. I hope everything turns out ok. Have a great rest of the summer and best of luck with the writing. I'm a big fan already and will be looking for more to come. I'm expecting a copy of your first novel!!! Be safe and I will talk to you soon.